Video Transcript

Shaming yourself and telling yourself how awful and terrible you are for your porn use doesn’t lead to recovery.

As followers of Christ, we think we should know better than to look at porn. But the real world is messy, and one choice leads to another, and well, here we are.

We can’t change the past. But what we can change is whether we want to learn from it, or be imprisoned by it.

As coach Jody Moore once said, “When was the last time you hated yourself into being a better person?”

It just doesn’t work. You have to love yourself into being a better person. That’s why Christ loves us, to help us change.

When we feel shame, we cower into a corner. We feel powerless, and vulnerable, and we may carry those negative feelings into our interactions with other people. We take offense where it wasn’t intended, and we may lash out in frustration or anger at other people, when really we are upset at ourselves. We feel so out of control. And in despair, we sink back into the viewing of more porn.

That is what shame does to us.

In order to break the cycle, we have to clean up our minds. And I’m not talking about emptying our heads of sexual images. Once they’re in there, that’s partly beyond our control. What I’m talking about is cleaning up our minds in the way that we talk to ourselves.

If you found out your best friend was struggling with porn, would you say to him the things that you say to yourself about your porn use? Probably not. That should be a clue.

I believe in repentance. I believe the Atonement is real. And yet I also believe that there must be a lot of really sincere men out there like me, who made a real, genuine effort to quit their porn and masturbation habits, but were not successful.

And the reason isn’t because the Gospel’s not true. It’s true. Rather, men like us simply lack the skills that we need to better manage our emotions and our brain in order to be successful.

And that’s what I teach. I teach practical skills for managing our thoughts, and I strive to do it in a way that harmonizes with the Gospel, rather than replacing the Gospel.

So if that kind of support is something you feel like you need more of in your life, why don’t you send me a message? I look forward to hearing from you.

Stephen McConnell
Certified Coach